First off, I’d like to start this post off by wishing everyone a happy Pride Month! Throughout the month of June, LGBTQ+ individuals everywhere will be celebrating their identities and experiences. I am one of those people. For those who don’t know, I am bisexual.
The easiest way for me to describe my experience as a bisexual woman is that I never really distinguished and separated people into gender binaries when I found myself attracted to them. If I was attracted to a person, my first thought was never “oh, that’s a cute guy” or “oh, that’s a cute girl”. It was always just “oh, that’s a cute person”, almost as if my brain just never registered gender as something worth distinguishing.
No one ever questioned my identity as a bisexual person until I started dating my boyfriend a few months ago. The fact that I was now in a heterosexual relationship suddenly made people think that I had “grown out of my bisexual phase” and was now straight. This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, there’s clear evidence that I’ve been bisexual my entire life!
Those are two pictures taken a few minutes apart of me playing with my dolls when I was little. In one, I’m kissing Ken. In the other, I’m kissing Barbie. I love these pictures because they really show the purity and innocence in bisexual kids, because so often bisexual people are stereotyped as being hyper-sexual and erotic. Those pictures are just of a little girl who thinks Barbie is just as cute as Ken. It’s as simple as that.
Another issue I’ve encountered is that many people assume that I am hiding the fact that I am bisexual from my boyfriend. I believe those who think this are missing the point entirely for two reasons. For one, being bisexual for me means I am attracted to BOTH men and women. So why would being attracted to two genders affect my attraction to my boyfriend? (Hint: It doesn’t.)
Secondly, if my boyfriend had a problem with it, I wouldn’t be dating him. Because why would I choose to be with someone who disrespects me on a moral and personal level? It just really makes no sense. To further illustrate this point, I asked my boyfriend to talk about how he feels about being in a relationship with a bisexual woman. One thing he said stood out to me.
“It makes me feel great that I am the one that you picked because I have twice the competition around me. It makes me feel special.”
I thought this was a really unique mindset for him to have. The more I thought about it though, the more confused I became when thinking about the hundreds of bisexual people who hide their sexuality from their heterosexual partners. You chose them out of everyone on the entire planet. Shouldn’t they feel special?
Despite mostly being questioned by straight people as to how I could possibly date a guy as a fiercely bisexual feminist, I have also received criticism from the LGBTQ+ community as well. To the LGBTQ+ community, I’m not queer enough. To the straight community, I’m not hetero-normative enough. In my particular situation, no one wins.
This has led me to a lot of self scrutiny over the years as I asked myself, “Why can’t I just pick one?”. But how can I pick one when my brain simply doesn’t distinguish either gender with possessing an “attractiveness hierarchy”? I’ve finally moved past this mindset with the support of both straight friends and friends belonging to the LGBTQ+ community. Now, I use my experience to educate others about the fluidity of sexuality to help them better understand the reality of being a bisexual person.
If you have any questions, feel free to reach out in the comments! Thank you all for your support and have a wonderful Pride Month!
Until next post, with love,