On the massive expanses of the internet, it seems like the most viewed and consumed information tends to be fun ‘Do It Yourself’ tutorials promising easy solutions to large or expensive projects. Accordingly, I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and give y’all a DIY project that you’ll LOVE- Irritating fragile men that can’t handle the concept of a self-respecting, independent woman like yourself in 5 simple steps that you too can do at home!
1. Accept compliments like the selfish, nasty woman you are!
Any “good, respectable woman” knows that acknowledging your own self worth and beauty is a ‘YUGE’ red flag for any self-identifying “nice guy” you’ll ever meet. Accepting and agreeing with his comment will be just as affective as bug-spray, ladies. Because heaven forbid a woman loves herself just as much as old white men love Trump. Buzzfeed recently published an article detailing one woman’s social experiment of agreeing with men who complimented her on social media; frankly, the responses were HILARIOUS. Some particular gentlemen:
2. Kick them in the fragile masculinity!
“Now, Bekah”, you may ask, “how do we kick a man in the fragile masculinity? That’s not a body part!”. Well my first recommendation is to do something that makes you appear mildly ambitious or independent. The results will be simple astonishing.
Upon discovering this blog, and my efforts to kickstart my journalism career, a particular demographic of males (of the straight, white, cis-gender variety) lost their mind. And I mean LOST IT. I knew something was suspicious when my daily view average doubled overnight without any recent posts. Turns out, these particular males spend their entire school day reading every single post on my website multiple times, just so they could complain to each other about how repulsive they find feminists and self-respecting women! Hmm… seems reasonable.
That is how you kick a man in the fragile masculinity.
3. Assert that any action that makes you “hetero-normatively desirable” is not with the intention of attracting their attention!
Simply state that you wear makeup and cute clothes for your own pleasure and out of self-love! Instant chaos will ensue.
“But what do you mean that flawless 45-degree winged eyeliner wasn’t applied with the intention of impressing men! It takes so much effort!”
Novel thought, maybe I like to wing my eyes because they make me feel powerful, cool, and professional? And to be perfectly honest, the (very very few) things I DO do for men, there’s no way in hell I’m putting as much effort into as drawing two perfectly symmetrical wings. This simple fact will piss off all the guys you would ever want to piss off. Trust me on this one.
4. Disagree with his “obviously superior” opinions.
By far one of the simplest methods of irritating your ignorant male of choice is disagreeing with any of their opinions. Their ego will be shattered, I promise. It doesn’t even have to be on a controversial topic. Literally just state your opinion. Do you like Beyonce? Do you prefer oranges to apples? At some point, men just enjoy being contrary and argumentative for the sake of being contrary and argumentative. This multiplies by the thousands when politics comes into discussion.
However, by tapping into this you can drive a man crazy in a matter of seconds with almost minimal effort! Talk about how much you care about a certain justice movement, social equity, or who you thought should have won the election and you’ll have a wailing and complaining male on your hands!
5. Give them a taste of their own medicine – “Mansplaining Style”
For those who have never heard of the term “mansplaining”, it is a combination of the words “man” and “explaining”. Whether you’ve heard the term or not, you’ve probably either experienced it or witnessed it. Mansplaining essentially refers to when a guy tries to explain something with the inference that you can’t possibly understand what he is talking about because you’re a woman of course!
Despite experiencing this on multiple occasions, nothing has ever cracked me up harder than when one of my male peers tried to explain to me how the election works… right after I had just explained it the exact same way. Of course I called him out for this and his response proved my point a million times over.
“Oh sorry I didn’t think you really understood cause, you know, girls aren’t into politics.”
Excuse me? “..girls aren’t into politics?”
Girls aren’t into politics?
GIRLS AREN’T INTO POLITICS?
GIRLS? AREN’T? INTO? POLITICS?
Well, this is definitely some news to me.
Let me know if any of these tips work for you or feel free to share any related story with us in the comments section!
Until next post,